just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
