I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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