i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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