I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
