Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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