So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
