one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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