Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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