we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
