This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
