she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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