HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
