My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
