i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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