Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
