Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
