Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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