And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
