So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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