he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
