You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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