You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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