I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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