If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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