Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
