Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
