I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
