you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
