Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
