In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
