The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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