careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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