Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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  (630): I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better. http://tfl.nu/ly4a
  Replies (23) Good night (5439) Bad night (596)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

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  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5901) Bad night (1804)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.

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  (240): She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/tjxq
  Replies (36) Good night (6858) Bad night (660)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

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  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4654) Bad night (930)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am

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  (250): They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am http://tfl.nu/0rv3
  Replies (3) Good night (3222) Bad night (1107)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...

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  (602): Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship... http://tfl.nu/dw4u
  Replies (23) Good night (1077) Bad night (6586)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just the budget?

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  (515): I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget... (316): Just the budget? http://tfl.nu/v45e
  Replies (4) Good night (4426) Bad night (943)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

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  (732): his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening. http://tfl.nu/ib1o
  Replies (10) Good night (3055) Bad night (1628)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door

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  (309): Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door http://tfl.nu/czgy
  Replies (8) Good night (1231) Bad night (3197)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis

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  (512): Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis http://tfl.nu/fz62
  Replies (6) Good night (2133) Bad night (607)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.

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  (352): She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later. http://tfl.nu/9nzg
  Replies (1) Good night (1230) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.

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  (906): Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think. http://tfl.nu/xmje
  Replies (7) Good night (1277) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Beer bonging to Ave Maria

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  (484): Beer bonging to Ave Maria http://tfl.nu/1lbd
  Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (341)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I seemed to have misplaced my pants...

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  (540): Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?.... (1-540): I seemed to have misplaced my pants... http://tfl.nu/s4v6
  Replies (5) Good night (923) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth

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  (802): She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth http://tfl.nu/i0xq
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (348)

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