there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
