I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.