I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky