my phone needs a breathalizer
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?