yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
