I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night