I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men