you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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