I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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