I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
