just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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