I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
