The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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