I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
