I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
