So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
