So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
