my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
