It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
