i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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