maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
