It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
