I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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