ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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