dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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