he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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