So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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