My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
third nipple confirmed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
