She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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