Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i will never coherently bang her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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