I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
