Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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