I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize