OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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