You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Even my vagina gasped.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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