someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
