Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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