I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Small penises have feelings too.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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