I wish my penis had an off switch
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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