Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
