I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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