So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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