Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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