I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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