i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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