I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The power of my boobs compel you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
