so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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