Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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