You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
