and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
